03 Mar Gems from the Cushion
I have discovered that having been wounded in relationships, the only way to heal is in relationships. I’ve known this for some time, but it hit me hard the other day in my morning meditation. It brought me to tears.
I was thinking about my relationships and having had friendships, work relationships, intimate relationships, and I thought about my role in them. Was I present? Did I do my best? Did I bring all of me? If I answer those questions honestly, no would be my answer to all of them. I would have to say I had one foot in and the other foot out. Always ready to leave if it got too hard.
I realized I am tired. I am tired of running away. I am tired of hiding and not being seen, seen for who I truly am, my authentic self.
My childhood traumas and wounds are never going to go away, but how I relate to them is what I can change. How I relate to myself is how I relate to others. If I want to connect to others with a big open heart, I need to open my heart to myself.
Many things are shifting for me, as for the world at large. COVID has given me the gift of staying put and be with myself, not running away, or the other million ways to distract myself. It has allowed me to be more conscious of my thoughts and emotions. It has opened me up to myself on a level that I don’t think my daily meditation would have. Or perhaps it would, but I believe COVID provided the accelerated version.
I am feeling a deep sense of gratitude for waking up to my wounded relationships’ gifts and how I can use those experiences to have a deeper connection to myself. To be able to come into a relationship with others on a whole new, deeper level.
“What’s your passion?” has been a question frequently asked of me, mostly concerning a job. It always felt challenging to answer, and I’m not sure exactly why. I consider myself to be a very passionate person. You can see it and feel it when I talk; most people mistake it for being angry or being excitable, which I am. I am excited about being human.
My passion is being human. All the facets of being human, the totality of the experiences of being human, which have inspired me to be creative and inspirational, intrigue me. I can move and uplift those around me. I am expressive, empathetic, and intuitive, and I lead from my heart.