10 Dec Why tell your story?
I haven't been inclined to tell any story for a long time. Too long ! Keep track of my tasks, journal my everyday activities, make video/ audio recordings of messages to get out to the public, events to be remembered. All this was above my willingness. I was wrong !
On the one hand I deprived myself of keeping track of the great and not so great things that happened in my life, on the other hand I had no control over making things move consistently in the direction to fit my needs and organize my service to others. I feel regret, but not in a bad way, that makes me want to hide away. Rather a regret that makes me want to shout and pull all I have kept inside for so long out into the world, because I'm sure it would serve someone's path forward. Maybe someone just like me that wouldn't give much attention to the things, great or not, that still got the wheel turning and, as such, made a difference.
My story, divided in: past, present and future. This seems quite a task, right? Personally I feel so intimidated that I'm still questioning if I'll be able to even get close to writing a blog article about it, as I told my accountability partner last week probably in a brief moment of sublime invincibility.
But then again, who am I without my personal story? How could I live without making a stand for it?| Without writing down what I've been through, who I am? Telling everybody about it, even those that couldn't care less, I have to do it because I owe it to myself. Have I been living a parallel life to my own or even tried to live the life of others instead of focusing on my own. Do I feel so unrealized because I've been dedicating my life to the glory of others which stories have been, are being and will be told on and on again?
I need to make a stand for my own sake! My story is worth my while. It is not of little interest, it is my story, full of details about why my life has unfolded the way it did. How much is it worth to remember moments and episodes of my past life, to understand what my life is like today and to foresee what potential it holds in the future? Much of my time, I tell you! Much more than what it'll take me to finish this article!
Thinking about Brian Moran (12 week year) saying : « be encouraged ! » to close his advertising letters. As I write it. it makes me think about what it actually means to take all my courage, all my grit and share with whom willing to listen, starting with myself, the good and the bad in my life without distinction. Why have I tried to save a preschool folk over 40 years ago from the bullying of his peers in a parallel class to mine receiving a kick in the bottom as a reward by the same folk? Why did I feel so aggressive and unwell in all my primary school experience always being on the frontline when trouble showed up? How much have I lied to myself about feelings when I was a teenager and how much has this influenced my life years later and still today? What will I want the future to be?
Personal story in the past, present and future written down – check. Read back and record (past and present) – check. Still need to refine and understand that the job will never be done in full, but what's the sake? Shouldn't we continue writing until our last breath? Awareness is the key. Awareness of oneself to be able to live one's life fully! No excuses.
And remember that from the time you have decided to do it there will be universal consciousness supporting and checking on you. Make sure you go all the way because if you don't you’ll end up with a feeling of failure that might weigh a ton! Understandable: you had all the odds on your side. You might not have felt ready, but you had so many thoughts running through your mind only waiting to be put on paper. Do it, try to put some order in it, start with the things that seem the most important to you and improve with time. Aim for the B- as Cate would say.
This is it, I made it. Is it what I wanted it to be? Could I have done better? Will this article influence anyone or make my life and others' life better? I don't know but I know that I will feel better once I have pressed on the button « publish ».
With love and deep care !