What are you gonna do about?

Yesterday I had a moment of reckoning with overwhelm. I felt like my world was unravelling
under the weight of insecurity. I felt like playing small. There is more … First I will share the
backstory…

Last year my Dad was diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. My Dad was a story teller, self
educated, and a pioneer. He taught me to be curious about the wonders of nature, to explore
deeply, both the outer world and the inner worlds. He taught me to always have reverence for
life and to give thanks with all my heart. He always closed his prayer with a blessing to the
Creator, “Bless you as you have blessed us.” he would say. He was a rock hound who could
pass as a geologist, a history buff who could pass as a historian, a creator of many things and a
retired master plumber. He was a loving Father, an adored grandfather and a devoted husband.
I always felt safe with him…his strength was beyond measure as far as I could tell. He was my hero.

I remember going to my Dad many times throughout my childhood and young adulthood to seek
comfort and wisdom during challenging times.. I knew I could count on him. After sharing my
story with him, crying and telling him more he would hold me, caress my hair for a while and
then face me and look me in the eyes ( Dad was big on eye contact) and say “ I have heard
what you are saying and understand how you feel, Now, What are you gonna do about it?” After
a while I came to understand that this was his way of saying you are completely capable of
managing this. I believe in you.

While My Dad was still doing well and able to be present with conversation we had long and
lovely talks. That was his way…story telling and sharing the wisdom from his many adventures. He expressed his pride in me as an individual, as a mom, a seeker and as a scholar. He asked
me to always stay curious. He was intrigued by the ways I did things, and through he may not of
understood why I did things my way he always supported my wishes.

His health declined quickly. As I witnessed the man who always seemed like a giant begin
shrinking in physical strength I began getting physically stronger. As I witnessed his ever sharp
mind drifting I became more focused. I enrolled in classes to become more effective in my work
and refine my skills and knowledge so that I could increase my impact and my service in the
world. I began pioneering in my own way, creating more, and becoming more curious. My heart
was breaking and my identity was shifting, stretching and exceeding my limited idea of self. I
had growing pains like I had never experienced.

As the months passed my children, siblings, Step Mom, Mom, Uncles and Aunts and I began
telling Dad’s stories to keep him ‘alive’. He began drifting further and further away and toward
the time when he would, as Dad would say “meet his maker” or “go to the happy hunting
grounds”. In August after many months of his process my Dad passed through to the other
side.

At first I felt like I had it all together. After a bit of time I felt like my mind was unable to think
clearly and things began to feel as if they were unravelling. I got behind in my work. I thought
perhaps, I had taken on too much…enrolling for classes, rebranding my business, offering new
services and programs for women for empowerment and support as they move into the ability to
show up more energetically available in their world.

I sent a letter to my business coach and teacher saying that I had to bow out and take a break.
My coach responded saying that she was not going to allow me to take a break, not going to
allow me to make a go of it myself at a time when I clearly needed the help and support. I felt
same familiar feeling of irritation and relief. I felt that old familiar “ What are you gonna do about
it?” Quitting wasn’t an option that was clear.

Knowing that my coach believes in me enough to call bullshit on my playing small. Knowing she
cares enough about the work she’s doing to support me in my truth, to be firm, and hold true to
her calling is such a relief. Yep, this may be a challenge. I may fall on my face… or not. Either
way quitting is not an option. I signed up to step into the next version of myself and even if it
takes longer than my impatient mind would like, By God I am going forward.

“What am I gonna do about it?” I am a Transformation Strategist. Strategize my Transformation
I will!

So, I continue with my work, with my passion…Helping women have health breakthroughs.
Holding space and strategizing with women to create the life they wish to live in a body that they
love. Helping women upgrade their health, energy and happiness. I do this from the post of a
curious pioneer with the will to continue this work for herself in her world.

Thank you, Dad! Thank you, Cate!