Walking down the street, I passed a cute and fun gift shop in my neighborhood. I heard an insistent voice in my head, “Go into the gift store.” I recognized this as the quiet, confident voice of my intuition. Strangely the voice urged me to purchase a gift for Cate Stillman, founder of Yoga Health Coaching. In a few days I would be traveling to Puerto Vallarta and then on to the village where our Yogahealer tribe would be meeting with Cate. Why on earth was this crazy voice that I call my intuition telling me to buy a gift for Cate Stillman? She’s into Ayurveda and yoga. I think of her as super down to earth person. I didn’t have a clue why my intuition was telling me to bring her tchotchkes.
Listening to Your Intuition
My intuitive voice rarely lies, though I love to argue with it. I was in a quandary and didn’t know why Cate would want material items. “She isn’t a material girl” I thought. My intuition must finally be WRONG. In the end I struck up a bargain with the voice and bought a crafty type thing that Cate could use the with her daughter. I packed the gift in my suitcase and forgot all about it.
A few days later at our annual Yogahealer retreat in Mexico, Cate told us we were going to study something called The Five Languages of Love, based on a book by Gary Chapman. My jaw dropped as she told us her primary language was ‘Receiving Gifts’ and by that she meant presents, material items. My intuition had been correct! I was hooked – there must be something to this so I delved deeper and studied another of Gary’s books “The Five Languages of Love: The Secret to Love That Lasts.”
The ideas in this book can help us communicate in romantic relationships as well as with close friends, family members and even co-workers.
Is Your Language Counter-Intuitive?
There are five different Love Languages and the thing that’s funny is that often someone’s Love Language seems counter intuitive. Although the explanation for this discrepancy can sometimes makes sense with Ayurveda and the elements. Someone who is a slow moving, down to Earth, Kapha type might speak the language of ‘Words of Affirmation.’ On the surface you might guess this person would have a different love language. What we may not realize is that their love language is helping them balance their Ayurveda Dosha. The power of heartfelt speech comes from the throat and represents the ether element that may be missing for someone who has a Kapha Dosha.
You may think that you know your spouse’s Love Language, but often you will be mistaken. Or your best friend who spends her weekends chanting, meditating and doing yoga may actually love ‘Receiving Gifts.’ All that spiritual stuff she is doing keeps her head in the clouds. A solid and thoughtful gift helps her land on her feet in the earth realm. Love languages like Doshas can be complicated. They may even change over time and with the seasons. Keep it simple and learn the basics of a Love Language and then practice the language with those you love. Understanding your loved ones Ayurvedic Dosha and their Love Language gives you many tools to help feel at ease and open in your relationship. Excellent relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding and for that reason, it’s good to know your own Love Language and it’s good to know your partner, lover, husband, daughter, neighbor and boss’ Love Language…
Speaking Foreign Languages
According to the author of The Five Love Languages, a great deal of miscommunication happens when we assume everyone is speaking the same language. According to Gary Chapman; “It’s like one person may be speaking Swedish and another person speaking Spanish.” If Love Languages are as different as foreign languages, it’s no wonder we have trouble communicating in relationships.
The good news is that you can apply this system to any relationship, whether it be with your children, your spouse or a friend. When you do you will stop assuming that everyone thinks, feels, and acts like you, simply by knowing their Love Language.
Just as we can misunderstand someone with a different Ayurvedic Dosha. It’s easy to miss signals in communicating affection with those that speak a different ‘Love Language.’ Knowledge is power and I present to you the Five Languages of Love.
Five Love Languages Meet Ayurveda
Words of Affirmation
In this language, the loved one needs and wants to hear spoken words. Declare to your beloved, “I love you.” “You mean so much to me,” or “You look great in that outfit.” Kind and romantic words are heavenly music to this person’s ears. Conversely express yourself harshly or insult someone whose language is ‘Words of Affirmation’ and they are headed out the door. They are repulsed by harsh tones and disparaging utterances. Reel in those that crave words of affirmation, with heart felt compliments and vocal exclamations of your love and appreciation. ‘Words of Affirmation’ come from the throat chakra and are made of the elements of ether and air. Those that crave these words may need more of the qualities of the heart (air) and the spirit ‘ether.’
Those that speak the love language of ‘Quality Time’ adore their loved one’s undivided attention. Turn off your smart phone and pay attention to friends and family whose primary Love Language is ‘Quality Time.’ Time is a combination of the element of air, the mind, and earth in the present moment. In this language turn off the TV and take a walk with the one you love. Plan an outing to the beach or the mountains with the object of your affection. Unplug, drop in and spend ‘Quality Time.’ with those that speak this Love Language.
If you love bling, then you are speaking the mother tongue of ‘Receiving Gifts.’ Thoughtful gift giving is an art and one that symbolizes the earth element. Give someone a real tangible, object that is beautiful or useful to speak this language. A carefully selected gift is a symbol that your beloved will cherish. Although this language may on the surface appear to be superficial, those that speak it are often very spiritual and in need of some solid, touchable love that will continuously remind them that you care.
Acts of Service
It’s all about the action for those that love ‘Acts of Service.’ Taking the time to empty the dishwasher, plan a special outing or take the car to be serviced may not seem like a way to communicate love. Yet to those that understand this love language, something as simple as dusting the living room or sweeping the kitchen floor will pay off in spades. When we realize how much the little things we do to make our friends, family and lovers who speak this language happy, we gladly take the time to take action. Acts of service combines the elements of fire=action and heart=air to warm the hearts of those we love.
A calming hug or a massage will cause those with this primary language to swoon. “Holding hands” is a great phrase in this language. Greet those that speak ‘Physical Touch’ with an empathetic hand on the shoulder or a warm embrace or depending on the closeness of the relationship. If your family of origin did not speak this language, you may need practice to gain fluency. Sexual intimacy is very important to those that speak the language of ‘Physical Touch.’ Get over any hang ups in this area in intimate relationships with those that speak this as their primary language. Hold hands, kiss and have fun expressing the language of ‘Physical Touch.’ The sense of touch balances Vata with the earth element helping to ground the air and ether of Vata.
I encourage you to check out one of Gary’s books or his blog before you buy chocolates or assume your kind words are enough. Use the Language of Love to see what your loved one really wants to receive.